It had been an epic tale. Battles, journeys, knights and thieves. Several evil witches, two good witches, and one witch that was pretending to be evil but was secretly good, or perhaps the other way around, she was a touch forgetful. Three monsters (only one of which was fuzzy), a fire-breathing dragon, and the incident with the sheep that was very kindly left out of the final manuscript. All in all, the Prince and the Princess were exhausted, and very much looking forward to a nice rest. “Couldn’t we go on a vacation?” asked the Princess. “My bed in that… [Read More]

His name was Stuart McAllister and he was the best boyfriend Evelyn could have ever wanted. Their romance started over a lunch in early June. He, of course, was not actually present. Instead, Clarice Millicent from the office down the hall was present. Clarice Millicent was quite loud and had a lot of hair and smelled of slightly molding roses. Clarice Millicent was insistent that she had two first names and must be addressed by both of them at all times. Clarice Millicent did not like that Evelyn had been single for the six months that they had known each… [Read More]

I had a very… difficult… dream last night. It was not about elephants. But let’s pretend that it was. Imagine that you have a friend. Your friend wants, more than anything in the world, to have an elephant. You find this amusing at first. Maybe you decide to be a good friend and take him to the zoo to see some elephants. He thinks you’re awesome for this. You’re not really interested in elephants, but he can have his thing, and you can have yours. No worries. All is good. But, after a while, your friend is perhaps not being… [Read More]

“I really have no non-sexual use for him.” “So, he’s what, a living sex toy to you?” “Pretty much, yeah.” He had a newspaper in front of his face, but he wasn’t reading it. What he heard around him was invariably more interesting than what was on the page before him. Every now and then, he surreptitiously peeked around the sheets of newsprint to see who he was listening to. The brunette, he thought, was a very pretty woman. Long sleek hair and full lips painted red. He thought, perhaps a little cynically, that she did indeed look like the… [Read More]

This was NOT what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about something completely different. I even had a Venn diagram. That’s right, this topic has so taken over my mind that it trumps the beautiful nerdity of a Venn diagram. Because, you see, I had a conversation today, and it was about something that keeps happening to my friends (and has, of course, also happened to me, and in fact has almost definitely happened to you too). This is the thing that keeps happening: You meet somebody and you are attracted to one another. Perhaps you then… [Read More]

“Are you certain that you wish to do this?” “Of course,” he said impatiently. “I’ve read the literature, I’ve signed the forms, I’m ready.” “We’re required to ask,” the doctor explained apologetically, “since you may have trouble understanding the procedure after it’s been carried out, you know. You’re making an excellent decision. My nephew had it done and it changed his life. I’ve never seen him happier. Truth be told, at times I consider it myself, but I feel I’m too old for a career change.” He relaxed. “Glad to hear it – that it worked out for your nephew,… [Read More]

What was I thinking? I don’t want to write. Look, I gave up this writing thing years and years ago. Back when I was all young and pure and innocent and wrote stories about dream-worlds and sunflower-people and crazy chicks in mental institutions who kept knives under their pillows. Well, really, there was only one crazy chick in a mental institution who kept a knife under her pillow. I imagine she stabbed the rest of them, were there any others. That would be the logical thing to do. But I do not write pure, innocent, homicidal stories these days. Sometimes… [Read More]